Then it was the last possible day and no miracles had occurred. It was a Saturday and the post office closed at noon. At eleven, I said. “Well, I’m off.”
“Yeah, you better,’ Horrie said coldly.
    In fact they all knew where I was going. I could tell because they said nothing and did nothing. Of course, we all silently feared that, after the recent near-miss, what effect this new crisis would have on mothher. The tension was broken now, and I looked at her, knitting and oblivious on the couch. So did everyone else.
“Where are you going, dear?” she asked innocently.
“Down the road,” I grunted, to clear the air.
“Don’t forget you have to go to the post office,” she said, and picked up the next stitch deftly.
    The general intake of air made the atmosphere in the room unbreathable.
“Better come with yer,” Horrie grunted, and bundled me out of the house.
    I drove, Horrie sitting beside me while Rosely and Howie came down the driveway to see us off. I might have been going to the moon rather than just to the local shopping centre.

 

“Wot’s in a name ?” she sez ... An’ then she sighs,
And clasp’s ‘er little hands and rolls ‘er eyes.
“A rose,” she sez. “by any other name
Would smell the same.
Oh, w’erefore art you Romeo, young sir?
Chuck yer ole pot, and change yer moniker !”
    The Sentimental Bloke (CJ Dennis) takes his girlfriend Doreen to see Shakespeare and this is his interpretation of the matter—the most hilarious thing ever written in Australian.

A tug named Tyball (cousin to the skirt)
Sprags ‘em an’ ankes a start to sling off dirt.
Nex’ minnit there’s a reel ole ding-dong-go ‘Arf round or so.
Mick Curio, ‘e gets it in the neck,
“Ar rats !” ‘e sez, an’ passes in ‘is check.

Quite natchril, Romeo gets wet as ‘ell.
“It’s me or you !” ‘e ‘owls, an’ wiv a yell,
Plunks Tyball through the gizzard wiv ‘is sword,
'Ow I ongcored !
“Put in the boot !” I sez. “Put in the boot!”
“‘Ush !” sez Doreen... Shame ! sez some silly coot.
  But I’ll just go on and on and quote the whole bloody thing. A true wonder. Okay, one more, as long as you promise to read the complete work for yourself. I hate to spoil the ending but...
Then Juliet wakes up an’ sees ‘im there,
Turns on the water-works an’ tears ‘er ‘air,
“Dear love,” she sez. “I cannot live alone !”
An’ wiv a moan,She grabs ‘is pockit knife, an’ ends ‘er cares ...
“Peanuts and lollies !” sez a boy upstairs.